Reclaiming a small piece

There are certain things in my life that I have lost to past heartaches.  Certain places, dates, movies, songs that have always been tied to specific moments in time.  It is a shame really, that the songs that i love the most, i have a hard time listening to, because of the emotions it invokes.  It is an occupational hazard i guess....

"Whatever" by Oasis will always be connected to the end of my marriage and the unknown of starting a new life, "One" by U2 will always remind me of a person who may have been slightly married at the time, "Monkey Wrench" will forever be connected to my recent ex and finally having enough.  "Stairway to Heaven" a funeral of a friend where it played......

Rockband Beatles came out when i was with my recent ex whose name shall not be spoken.  We had spent countless hours playing Rockband and when the game came out, played it quite a bit.  "Here Comes the Sun" has always been a favorite song of mine and was included in the game and was one we played frequently....

In the past 4 plus months, i havent been able to hear that song because of the memories it invoked.....memories of being in the basement together, drinking coffee and playing the game, me on guitar, her on bass...me singing along, not caring if i sounded terrible.  The lyrics i thought at the time spoke to us:

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right
I thought she was my sun, that she was warming the coldness that had been my life to date.  But there were problems between us, huge problems that i believed if i tried a little bit harder, showed her a little more how much she meant that things would get better.  Then there would be a day with no fights, no stress and....

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

It was like George Harrison knew my situation all those years ago,  the ice WAS slowly melting around her heart i thought. 

But I was wrong.  And the song was lost to me forever, hidden away in the dark recesses never to be acknowledged so the pain wouldnt resurface.

Until last night......


Last night i went for drinks with an "old soul".  Someone who is going through what i am, whose openness has inspired me and helped me through my difficult time.  This isnt a story of falling in love all over again, it is too soon for me and i know it is too soon for her and sometimes i am learining a friend who understands you is all you need.  But last night I ventured out into the scary world of people for the first time, to catch up and talk.  I had an amazing talk, revelations hit me like a ton of bricks with some of the things she said....we were sitting at a pub, with live music playing in the backgroud....spent hours talking, and at one point something happened that I never expected too....

I started having hope again, with what she was saying, with the fact i had someone who understood me and who i understood, someone who i knew i could always talk to and i would always want to be there to help them through rough times....and in the background they started playing "Here Comes the Sun"

I waited for the same old feelings to hit, the loss, the sadness but the strangest thing happened.  They didnt.  Instead the song felt like a song again if that makes any sense.  It felt like the theme song to my emotional rebirth...the ex is now part of the darkness and cold, and the future is warmed by the sun which is my friend, my soul, my heart.

It is one song reclaimed, one piece of me made whole again.  As a history buff, i liken it to the first soldier who stepped foot on the beaches of France on D Day.  Like Europe at the time, certain parts of my heart have been destroyed.  From the first footprint inland there are thousands of miles of pain and suffering that have taken place.  But the first foot is on the beach, the first steps have been taken.  All great journeys begin with that first step.  The first inches have been reclaimed in the forms of a song.  And the momentum from that step, my faith in the future, my friends, and my belief that whoever she is, she is out there somewhere in Europe, scared, alone and waiting for me to free her will give me the strength to fight for every inch....

and while i do, "Here Comes the Sun" will be playing in the background........