One week in......

"There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you."
- Stacey Charter

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
- Tyler Durden

Only after disaster can we be resurrected. 
- Tyler Durden

I'm ok now.  It has been months since it happened, and this entry isnt going to be a reflective speech, or a evaluation of what went wrong.  It doesnt matter, I wasnt me.  I am me now.  The decade changed and I did.  I know it is hard to imagine something as simple as a calender change facilitating any type of life altering difference.  But it has.  I am more at peace now than maybe I have ever been.  I have learned so much over the last few months and weeks that I am a better person for it.  It is 7 days into the decade and this is what I have learned.....

1. I loved the potential, not the person
2. I may be included in a group of people someone considers an Angel
3. Songs, movies, thoughts, life can be reclaimed
4. I may have been the Sun
5. My daughter is still mine, and we are closer for what we have gone through
6. That for being there for someone and trying to "give" i have received more than i could have asked.
7. Its all going to be ok
8. The Universe has got me covered

One week ago i was wallowing, struggling to stay afloat, scared for the future...now?  The calender changed, i have moved on for real and not just a mask of strength, i am succeeding, the future is still full of questions...i have no idea what it holds.  But i don't fear it anymore.  I look forward to it.  I know something is planned for me, some lesson that i have either learned or will learn will be my purpose beyond raising my daughter.  I believe this decade will be my Golden Age.

If this seems like a dramatic change, you may be right.  Maybe i was delaying the change holding on.  But the calender changed, friends made, McChicken Sauce lost, songs reclaimed, hope found.  Destiny and I are on speaking terms again.....

It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again

I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?

It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again
--Foo Fighters