Dear Science......

This is an open letter to the scientific community.  Stop ok, you are wasting all our time.  Know what...we dont have the flying car yet, no diseases have been cured in my lifetime of any significance, the globe is getting more messed up by the day...  Seriously you know what significant "invention" or advancement has happend in the last 20 years.  The internet and thats it.  And what is it used for most of the time instead of sharing information for the betterment of mankind? Infidelity and Porn.  Thats it.  So you know what Science.  What you are doing, isnt working....maybe change focus.  You deserve to feel good about you...ahh cute science, with your labcoats, pocket protectors and social awkwardness...How about this. I will give you some ideas i think you should focus on.  Please make these happen and fast...

Time Machine.  Seriously Bill and Ted had access to one.  I would love to have one so i can right some wrongs.  Please make this happen.  Plus future people.  Guess what.  The internet never deleletes stuff.  So chances are in 100 years this post will still be viewable.  I dont know how you will find it amongst the trillions of pages that exist so i am going to type something that i assume you will enter in a search engine in the futre and end up on this post...



                                            FREE ROBOT PORN IN 4D

ok, now that you are here.  You must have access to a time machine by now.  Can you please go back in time and let me use it for a bit.  Seriously it would be a huge favor to me.  And im not using it for selfish reasons, i promise.  Just to help someone important to me.  In exchange for your kindness I will give you all my Star Wars actions figures from when i was a kid, and you can sell them for huge money in the future.  I mean Jesus, Kelso from that 70s show time traveled in the Butterfly movie, and that dudes a moron.


Pain Transference Ability  Ok, here is the next one science.  Can you please invent something that will basically suck the pain and suffering either emotionally or physically out of one person and transplant it in someone else.  Seriously, you can transplant monkey organs in people, how can you not know how to do this.  I watch Heritige commercials..Dr. Penfield poked her brain and made her smell burnt toast.  And that was like 50 years ago.  I dont want to smell burnt toast.  But in 50 years you must have developed beyond burnt toast.  Here is what i need.  Im really strong right now.  Can you take someones pain and memories that are causing her pain, suck them out of her brain and give me the pain.  I can take it.  I want to take it.  Im not kidding on this one. 

Voodoo powers - ok, here is the deal.  If you fail on the previous two you have to help me out on this one.  Ancient civilations (according to movies which never lie) could make a doll who looked nothing like a person, and poke it with needles and that person would feel pain.  How do you not know how to do this science.  Did noone write it down?  I want a specific doll, and by that i mean please dont drop the ball on the accuracy part.  Certain people although they share the same name, including spelling, are not actually the same person.  Please make me a doll directed at the proper person.  I would like to periodically cock punch it, on a regular basis.

ok Science...seriously, im not making a huge list.....not going to overload you.  Give up on your projects you are working on right now.  Seriously please make at least one of these happen.  If you are sitting there wondering which one to do first.  I would like them in this order

1. Pain transference
2. Time Machine
3. Cock punched Voodoo doll.

ps.  also if you could knock that baldness one out of the park to...we would be cool..but that is last on the list.

thanks Science, always thought u were cool...dont let me down.